A typical first Consultation might look like this:
As a couple or a family, when you come to us for a 90 minute or a two hour Co-consultation, the first thing we do is sit down together and provide some background information for each other. Sometimes, one partner will be known to Catriona from one of her women's Empowerment groups, or she might have been seeing her for Transformational Bodywork (an eclectic blend of different types of energy work). At other times, Bob might know the other partner from individual consultations or his men's group. With your permission, if there is a pre-existing professional relationship with one of us, we will begin to have you help us to fill in the blanks of your story, so that we may begin together on the same page. We strongly encourage sharing any secrets, as this could severely hinder us in our work with you.
Next, we would typically help you to clarify and define each of your goals for your primary relationship(s). Very often, we will ask each of you to think about and tell us whether you are "In", "Out of", or still "Exploring" the relationship. This helps us to set realistic goals with you for your work in and out of the Consultation room. Initially, sessions can be as often as once per week, or as infrequent as once per month. After some time and if all goes well, quarterly meetings are a good way to check in and support the development of your relationship. Combining your input with our experience and intuition, we will work with you to determine how often is best for you. After that, our work is about clarifying your answers to our questions and listening/watching closely for the undercurrents that we sense on different levels.
Subsequent sessions might look like this:
As your coaching team, we will often consult each other while in the room with you about what each of us might be 'picking up'. This in itself can be a powerful intervention for you as a couple or a family. Over 40 years of research has proved that giving truthful feedback to clients about the impressions they leave can be very powerful and life changing.
A more didactic approach will seem more appropriate at times, so we might share a useful tool from Yoga, Meditation, the Chakra system, the Hara, various levels of the energy field, or simply a different framework for thinking about your dilemmas. Occasionally, we will differ in our opinions with each other about what is occurring between you or within one of you. At these times, we will often model for you how to disagree! This can provide much needed comic relief - laughter being essential to the movement of the relationship towards freedom and vibrancy.
Each one of us will be able to relate to several of the important issues that you bring, and we will make connections in our own relationship about how we might deal with a similar issue. There are no hard and fast rules to our approach. We work honestly, intuitively, with generosity of spirit and with equal doses of support and challenge. We strongly believe that it is important to hold a safe container for the hard work you must do. Healthy challenge comes when there is enough trust built up in the consultation room, but it always comes in equal measures to the support we provide. We strongly believe that challenging those we care about is in fact an expression of the 'other face of love'.
Growth and change cannot take place without honest feedback given with respect and kindness. In supporting your evolution, we will nudge you regularly, but will also allow you to proceed at your own pace, according to your own values and needs. If your relationship is going to thrive, you will both need to learn to listen to your own, deeper needs in order to bring them to light. We will hold a space for your relationship for as long as it takes you to be able to hold a bigger, stronger container for yourselves.
Sometimes healing means endings. Acceptance brings peace, and ultimately, this is what emotional health and maturity are about. When necessary, we will help you to bring closure to your relationship -we can facilitate an ending that will be the least damaging, indeed the most healing possible, for you and your family.
